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Black-eyed Susan

Susan is the local mail carrier who causes much stress and disdain amongst our small rural zip code…

When we first moved in we moved our mailbox to the end of our driveway. Simple enough right? Wrong. Black-eyed Susan withheld our mail for months at the local post office; which being rural it is not very local. This post office has such weird hours it was impossible to get our mail picked up. When we finally had the stars align, the wind was right, and it wasn’t lunch time we were handed our months of mail in a very battered box. I imagine Black-eyed Susan kicking the box every day when she put our mail inside.

Another neighbor had a package delivered USPS and Black-eyed Susan put it in the back of their chore vehicle… which at the time had standing water in it. You can imagine how not so lovely that blanket looked when removed from its packaging. This same neighbor has an ongoing guessing game as to which vehicle Black-eyed Susan has chosen to open and throw a package into. Myself, I feel this is a form of breaking and entering…

There was a brief glimmer of hope this past summer when a new delivery guy showed up. Hoping that Black-eyes Susan had finally retired. We were disappointed to see Black-eyed Susan return to the route.

Instead of taking packages to the front steps she throws them from the car at the tree at the end of your driveway. One time the cardboard box was so camouflaged we had no idea it was outside. This of course after we called the seller inquiring where our delivery was…. ugh

I call her Black-eyed Susan because I’d love to blacken her eye for being a royal $&$&. I intended on planting Black-eyed Susans around the mail box, a little bit of humor for myself really, but figured she’d find a way to run them over with her Buick.

This past weekend Susan had a package for us… walked right past us (we were in the driveway) and threw it under our basketball pole without a word. WTF SUSAN!

You know the old expression you’ll catch more flies with honey than vinegar? This witch is one salty bitch.

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